The Authority

To,
Whoever gets this letter,

I am Sara Dungen, a dance teacher at Kingdom O’ Grace. I have been in this room for the last five hours, hiding from a man with the pistol.
Yeah! This is the name by which the hoax spread. He has shot Anne,  Mark, George, Jane and Martin.
Oh my God! Martin!
He shot my husband in the balcony, he shot him!!!
He had died out of bleeding and kissed me Goodbye precisely about forty minutes ago . So, I am a widow now!
Oh God ! Why did you this to me ?
So, getting to the ‘point’ now, I have been in this room, alone, for the last forty minutes and you know with a corpse beside you, you hit pits of depression in just thirty minutes. A funny psychic fact! Ha!
But when the dead body is of your husband, your depression can be fatal. So, I have decided to write about my hellish experience down on the rough sheet, after every five minutes end  or maybe^4DBCBA10AF67777CD46389EAE2B1975DF15751F1A5A095B3B2^pimgpsh_thumbnail_win_distr after fifteen. I don’t know.

Anyway, mere words are not capable of expressing my hallucinations and grievances that I am experiencing now. You know, I mean you can never know how does it feel to sit in a poorly lit room, waiting for the man thirsty for ‘blood’ to come, find and shoot you!
RIGHT BETWEEN YOUR EYES!!!
Also, I forget to mention that –
“If you find this letter, it means that I am dead. I don’t know what you should do with this letter, maybe you should hand it to police, or keep it!!! If I were you, I would’ve submitted the letter to Dr Wyatt , a third-year resident in psychiatry at a hospital nearby. She always used to complain about the lack of real-time research work on real trauma cases.Well, Dr., now we have one now! A live one!!!”
Now it is 7:08 am of the chilly morning and maybe Mr Shooter is around B-02. He must be checking into every classroom and gallery. So it means, it will take almost over thirty – forty minutes to reach here, or so.
So, I don’t have much time left! Also we, gymnast enthusiasts especially dance teachers aren’t much of a writer, so pardon my ‘English Grammar’.
7:15 am :
I just heard two gunshots! Maybe he is quicker than I had anticipated. Oh God!
You know even if you are dying the next hour the earthly attachments never dies. You still want to give one last check-up, give CPR again and again. Maybe it’s just a cardiac arrest. Maybe he just passed out. You don’t breathe quickly as if the ‘shooter’ can hear you , can smell your breath and scent.
It’s a mixed feeling. A feeling where, love, despair, loss, fear, mortality all wind-up and ram it against your heart. You cry and shiver at the same time. You feel pity for yourself and proud at the same time. You are drowning to neck into a sea of depression still suddenly you laugh. You smile at your husband’s eyes and then for a moment you forget that he is no more and wait for him to smile back.

PLEASE SMILE. PLEASE………………
The burden of grief seems so heavy and weakens you to that extent that holding a pen seems tough.
After losing your husband, best friend, having a miscarriage on the same day you ask yourself one thing —-

“All this struggle , fight , why? I mean what is the ‘POINT’ of all this?”

7:30 am :
I just got out of the room to give it a look and the situation is worse outside. From the gallery, I saw the shooter aiming at nurse Karla’s head. Maybe he wasn’t aiming but thinking. But I don’t think he is in possession of himself. The ‘son of a bitch’ thinks he is a God . But why?

He doesn’t get to decide who lives or not . He is not the one to resurrect anyone. He has no right to shower mercy on us . HE IS NO GOD!!!!!!
But after all the events passed in last two hours , it seems God has given him the ‘power of attorney’ to him. Why does sometimes , humans ‘equally’ created are in different states of power?
Why at times a guy is at the place where he can decide whether or not the other guy should be punished or should die?
Why at sometimes people forget to judge the situation, by keeping themselves in someone others place?
Maybe for joy, may be to feel superior , even for a while , people switch off their mercy , pity. They do so by allowing themselves to be in a state of mind where they think these emotions are not worth anything. But it is a universal truth that no situation or scenario in this known universe exists where these emotions have no meaning.
Why an EYE for an EYE , gives someone satisfaction?
Why it feels good to HIT back?
Why does it feels SWEET when people get on their knees , to ask one to show pity , one of the few things separating us from demons!
Why does REVENGE feel soothing?
Maybe because it is also as natural as the above-mentioned emotions , that man always wants to feel ABOVE their surrounding ones.
To be SAFE , to be PRAISED , to be APPLAUDED , to be WORSHIPED , man has always tried hard. So hard……………

Sometimes he destroys other people’s’ family, home , existence just to gain more FAME , more PRAISE , more AUTHORITY.
‘AUTHORITY’ , yes that’s the word!!!
The only reason why man sometimes makes the boundary separating him and the ‘necromancer’ vanish , the reason why man tire so hard ,day and night , kills his and others souls is to gain ‘AUTHORITY’ of the things happening around him.

He can’t even stand a single thing in the world and this cosmos on which he or she has no ‘AUTHORITY’.

He can’t live like that! I am sure the only ‘reason’ my posthumous reader is reading this letter is to gain the ‘AUTHORITY’ of knowledge on the event that’s happened in this room.

The reader may be a detective , a police , a reporter , or a mason.
But the reason is the —– ‘AUTHORITY’ .

I don,t think I have much time as I can hear the shooter’s footsteps, so may be the next page is the last handwritten page of mine.
I can hear him clearly. He is just outside the room , may be resting against the wall for a while.
Whatever! Maybe I have just five more minutes to my life , the moment he opens the door closed against the sofa bed , the bullet will kiss me.

I think the end has come. But at the end, I am not frightened. To my surprise I am fearless. As there are only a few minutes left in my life , each moment seems so beautiful. Like time has slowed down! I can’t imagine how great it would be if I were you. My reader must have more time than me. Maybe twenty ,thirty , or even fifty. But I am not regretting.
I wanted to be a neurosurgeon and almost was there.

But you have your whole life ahead of you. So ,the question is —- “What is keeping you behind? One thing is sure from my this experience that if life is lived truly by being oneself , it is so beautiful. How can you enjoy something by not doing it? How can you enjoy your life without living it? ”

WE ALL GONNA DIE . WE DON’T KNOW HOW OR WHEN. BUT WE DO GET TO DECIDE HOW WE’RE GONNA LIVE. SO DO IT.
DECIDE.
IS THIS THE LIFE YOU WANNA LIVE?
IS THIS THE PERSON YOU WANNA LOVE?
IS THIS THE BEST YOU CAN BE?
CAN YOU BE STRONGER? KINDER? MORE COMPASSIONATE?
DECIDE. BREATHE IN. BREATHE OUT AND DECIDE.

 

Even if the shooter is remaining at my door and deadbolt will not be able to keep him out for long , I am not afraid. Not because of anger but ,for once in my life ‘AUTHORITY’ I want to have the I will look right into his eyes and say “SHOOT ME!”
Because I am not afraid to die. I am afraid to let him win over my identity , to make me inferior to him.
Whatever happens, I am not going to let him the ‘AUTHORITY’ of the situation.
The door’s broken he is hhereeeeeeee……………….

qwerty

THIS IS INSPIRED BY A TRUE STORY …………………
NAME AND PLACES HAVE BEEN CHANGED TO PROTECT AND RESPECT THE TRAGEDY OF THE DEPARTED SOULS……..
THIS PIECE OF WORK IS CONSIDERED TO BE OF PARAMOUNT IMPORTANCE IN THE FIELD OF PSYCHIATRY………...

 

P.S. ELIZABETH KUBLER-ROSS has said, “there are five stages of grief”— bargaining , anger , despair , depression and acceptance.
Maybe you have seen all of them in this letter. So, live your life. Don’t be afraid. Take calculated risks. Work hard for your dreams and never let them die. Life has to mean only because of dreams and you have existence only because of hard work you do for them.
Make a list of things you want to achieve in your life, work hard to complete the checklist , so when you grow old you will live with the ‘AUTHORITY’ and with satisfaction that you have and are living your ‘LIFE.’

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